Dear God,

Why do I fuck things up like this. I don't know what to do now, I'm scared. I'm bitter, I'm angry at myself.
For letting things come to this. It's awful. And I am at a loss. Help?

Dear God,

I feel so down.
I don't know why I feel this way. I wish i knew how to make it go away.
Lord, won't you comfort me and help me feel hopeful?
I have thoughts of despair and I feel like dying, this feels chronic.
I have no reason to feel like this, I don't. Yet I do. Why is it so difficult?

Grant me strength Lord.

Amen.

Dear God,

I'm so messed up. I hate that I can't stand up for myself.
I feel pent up.

Release me. :(

Amen.

Dear God,

I haven't been blogging to you, I'm sorry.
I have been feeling slightly distant from You and I know it's my fault for drifting.
Lord there is so much on my mind today.
Today's meeting with Jef shook me up a little. It made me take another look at myself.
Am I really ready?
Lord I believe I heard you right when you said that I can do this and you would prosper me. Assure me Lord, and grant me peace in all the decisions we will make. Thank you Lord.

I also want to pray for Von's marathon, that you grant her incredible strength and wisdom for her run.
Heal her from all sickness and virus. Lord you are Good!

Amen

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me insight and telling me what I should do.

There were a lot of things happening today in my head and I guess I'm not gonna apprentice with Julian anytime soon. I'm gonna work and be a good pastry chef. Then I'll open my place one day.

Lord all my plans, ambitions and hope, I surrender into Your hands. It's amazing what you're doing in my life, and I know that I will be made whole and be healed.

I will concentrate on getting better, and upgrading my skills.

Apple said that I can go back to doing full time work, I'm looking forward to getting better and working. I am glad that Jem is willing to take me back. Yay! :) and maybe, I'll be promoted. :D

Isn't that so cool.

Thank you God!

Amen

Dear God,

I'm aching and it hurts so bad. It's so hard to be strong. There's nothing anyone could have done to make me not have suicidal thoughts. These suicidal thoughts have been plaguing my mind since I first looked down from the window in my bedroom when I was 7 or eight. I thought I would go to hell if I killed myself, but I tried banging my head on the wall anyway. I saw someone die from that in a drama serial.

Lord I know I am not meant to be tormented by these thoughts and depression. I know that this life is destined for more. I release these burdens to you Lord, those that I can identify and even those that I am unaware about. Take them Lord, and make me whole. I bind these suicidal thoughts in Your name, I bind the spirit of brokenness in Your name,  I pray that you will mend the voids in my life and be my strength through all that I face.

I thank you also for giving me a friend in Yvonne. You have made her the closest friend I've ever had. It hurt so much to see her wounds so raw, I know she was hurting so bad and I don't ever want to hurt her in that manner, ever. Lord I promised her that I won't take my life, You are my strength and refuge, I know I will honor this promise with Your help.

I pray also that you would nurse her wounds that are still so raw, and help me be a friend to her in times of low and sadness. I have grown to love her so much Lord, I know this friendship is Your work, and I thank you for blessing me immensely with this relationship.

Continue to grant us strength and comfort in this time of ache, I know we will emerge victors in You.

In Christ's name,
Amen

Dear God,

I am feeling afraid. Afraid of this familiar feeling of wanting to give in to the temptations of death.

When I was a child, I had contemplated suicide countless times, but I thought that it was a sin that would banish me to hell. And I did not want to go to hell. Hence I stayed alive. God, I could have died.

Now I'm just so tired, I have grown up and I know that my soul is saved. Lord I want to give up. This burden is too much for me to bear. The depression is so painful and I ache but I cannot cry. Take this away Lord, I am so afraid to reach the point where I admit that there's nothing anyone could have done to change my fate, a foolish decision to take my own life, and hurt many others along with it. I'm sorry.

Lord please help me.

In Christ's name I pray,
Amen