Dear God,

Things are getting hard for me. I have been so anxious and tired. It is my fear that I'd do something irrational, yet again. And I thank you for putting people in my life to help me.

Von's mother just passed on and she's feeling awful. It happened so suddenly. Lord I pray that you grant peace to Von and her family, grant them comfort and strength to tide through this difficult time. Lord it hurts that she's so sad and I pray that you will give me the right words to say, help me do the right things to make things better for her. And Lord I thank you for taking Von's mum home peacefully, just like you did with mama.

This whole episode reminds me of mama, and how she died with us at her bedside. I still grieve, but I thank you Lord for assuring me/us that she is safe with you, free in heaven. Y'know, I can't wait to go to heaven. Are there dinosaurs in heaven? I'd like to ride on a Triceratops like Cera, perhaps own one as a pet. That'd be so cool, God.

Lord I know the way I am feeling is not what you mean for. You will is for me to be whole again, and God I promised Von that I wouldn't try and take my life. Lord help me to be strong enough to reject these suicidal considerations regardless of how difficult it will be. I'm so tired Lord, and I know you give strength to the weary.

Thank you for helping me stay smoke free these three and a half weeks. I think I can do this. With your help, I will conquer.

My heart aches for the grieving the Loh family has to go through, Lord shelter and comfort them with your love.

In Your most mighty name,
Amen